Oct 19

Cashing in on my warranty


Posted under Gideon and Grace - My babies in Heaven, Journey towards wholeness, Life by MicheleP.

I’ve lived a pretty charmed life. Had 2 parents who loved me and provided for my every need; had an older brother who was nice to me – well, most of the time, there was that “let’s see if she will fit in the trash can” incident…but mostly was nice to me and even let me tag along with him on Friday nights on occasion. I was blessed to be given the opportunity to go to college – something that at the time I considered more an entitlement than a blessing but now I see it differently. In college I was blessed with meeting my husband who 13 years later still treasures me. I have never had a need for food, a place to live, a car to drive (or 2), a good job or supportive friends – that wasn’t met. Never really had any hardships to speak of – I’ve had it pretty darn good.

And yet, when my children died – my first thoughts…”Why ME, God? Why MY children? I’m good. I’ve lived a good life. I’ve chosen to serve you. I’ve been faithful, God. Why me? “

A few months after our twins died, I went on a weekend trip with some girlfriends. As I was sitting poolside with a friend who was going through her own difficult time trying to keep her marriage together she shared something that to this day has stuck with me.

Instead of asking “Why me?” she turned it into “Why NOT me?”

I thought about that for a long while. Wow. When you put it like that it really changes the perspective, doesn’t it? I mean, why would I be so arrogant to think that I would somehow be exempt from all of this? Yet somehow as Christians we seem to think that is the case – that we don’t “deserve” any of this or are somehow immune to it. When I gave my life to Christ, I didn’t get a booster shot that made me immune to pain, heartache and suffering.

But – while there wasn’t immunity, there was a warranty.

A warranty doesn’t mean that something won’t go wrong – appliances quit working, carpet gets stained and cars break down. The warranty simply guarantees that when broken, they will be repaired – and at the manufacturer’s expense.

Scott and I got this big screen tv a few years ago. We bought the floor model and so we opted for the extended warranty in case something went wrong. After only a few months, we started having problems with it – the picture would go out when the dogs barked but you could hit the back of the tv and it would be fixed. So every single time one of the dogs would bark (and sometimes it was quite often) we’d reach behind the tv and give it a good slap. Silly – the thing was under a full warranty and all we had to do was call for repair yet we lived like this for nearly 2 years before we finally called for repair.

Funny thing about warranties – you have to cash them in to see any of the benefits.

I think sometimes I forget about my warranty. For such a long time, grief was the ONLY thing in my life and so much time and energy went into healing. Now, I’m finding that while the major repair work is complete, I still have a few squeaks and rattles here and there that need to be repaired and like our TV, I often just “let them go” and have learned to live with things the way they are.

But healing is free – and thankfully I have a lifetime warranty – I’m cashing in.

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Feb 23

God’s ways are always bigger than ours…


Posted under Clara and Libby, Journey towards wholeness, Life by MicheleP.

The other day, I was going through some emails that I have saved between another dear friend who also lost her twins due to premature delivery. I was stunned to see what I had actually written…

On October 26, 2003, I wrote:

We went in yesterday for the transfer and the RE talked to us about just transferring one instead of two. She said that we had the absolute highest quality of embie possible and that the chances of twins was “far greater” than 50%. Usually they transfer two to increase the chance of a pg – not to give you twins. In our case, she felt so strong about the outlook for this embie that she highly recommended that we just transfer one. So far in the clinic with this quality of embryo they are 12 for 13. < ?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

Disappointed – yes, but we just didn’t feel that we could in good conscious take an unnecessary risk. We know that twins would be twice the pressure on a cervix that doesn’t like to do it’s job. If it doesn’t stick then we will put in two frozens. Since we went to blast stage (day 5 vs. day 3) there were 5 embryos remaining and we feel really good about that number. They are all of the highest quality. Of course, there is always the slight chance of a splitting embryo and mono twins… (did you hear that God?? hint hint)

Of course, that embryo did not implant and a few months later we went on to transfer another…

On October 26, 2004, exactly one year later, I gave birth to those identical twins that I had asked God for.

I’m humbled and amazed. I had no idea that I had written this or had even really asked for it. Coincidence? Hardly. God is good and faithful.

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