Stories of My Life

Mother’s Day is next week. While I look forward to honoring my own mother – and being honored as a mother – I still cringe when I think of what will transpire next Sunday. In churches all across America (and beyond) mothers will be honored by special children’s programs, prayers, contests (oldest, newest, most children, etc. etc. etc.), and of course by the rose. Oh, the dreaded rose.

Several years ago, I wrote this letter to our pastor:

Pastor S,

I want to share with you that has been on my heart the past few weeks.

As you know, Scott and my journey to parenthood has been a very long and difficult road. For years, the pain of infertility was a silent grief that mostly we shared with just each other as we went to a small church where everyone around us seemed to be able to produce children with great ease. We endured such hurtful comments through the years… “When are you guys going to get with the program?” “You would make such great parents!” “Be glad you don’t have to deal with this!” “When you have kids of your own…” and the list goes on and on. And most of these would come from within the church… from well-meaning, yet ignorant, Christians.

I stopped attending church on Mother’s Day 4 years ago. The sting of that day – celebrating exactly what I longed to be but was unable to achieve. Our church gave flowers and had all the Mothers stand up to recognize them on that day. I can clearly remember sitting in church 4 years ago and being the ONLY woman sitting in my chair without a flower while all the other women stood. I cannot tell you how painful and isolated I felt in my grief at that moment. That was the last Mother’s Day service I attended.

Of course, that brings us to last year and the story is even more painful and difficult. Now I am a mother but one with empty arms. I celebrated Mother’s Day without my children and faced a whole new set of pain and grief. I am forever grateful for my husband who went to great efforts last year to honor me in a special way last year. He really should get a husband of the year award!!

I know that in a church our size, I cannot be alone. I am sure that days such as Mother’s Day bring grief to others as well for many reasons (death of a child, unable to have children, death of mother, single women, and many more). I don’t know how BCC recognizes the day but wanted to share something with you for consideration.

I took this from a friend of mine – they used this in her church last year:

“A Mothers Day Prayer for You on Mothers Day…

For the married women who desire to have children and cannot. Also, for the single women who desire children yet are getting weary waiting on a spouse. God understands your situation and we care. “In the name of Jesus, we ask that the Holy Spirit will comfort your heart and give you peace and that our Father God would grant you your petition. Amen.” (1 Samuel 1:2-17)

For the single mom. God understands your challenge and we care. “In the name of Jesus, we ask that the grace of God will sustain you, the wisdom of God lead you, the love of God encompass you, and the provisions of God overtake you. Amen.” (Philipians 4:13)

For the moms with a child who has chosen a destructive lifestyle and is in a physical or spiritual prison. God understands your concern and we care. “In the name of Jesus, we ask that the Holy Spirit would convict them of sin. We ask for the perfect laborers to cross their path. We thank God for their salvation, deliverance and restoration. Amen.” (Proverbs 11:21)

For all the moms who experience grief on Mothers Day because of miscarriage, stillbirth, abortion, or a childs death outside the womb. For all those men and women who experience grief on Mothers Day because of the loss of their mom. God understands and we care. “In the name of Jesus we ask that the Holy Spirit will comfort your hearts and give you peace. Jesus bore your grief so you don’t have to. Jesus we thank you for removing the grief and healing the heart. Amen” (Isaiah 53:4)

In the name of Jesus we pray for all of our mothers on Mothers Day. May God our Father bless you and strengthen you and encourage you. May your eyes be opened that you and others may see that your price is far above rubies and may your children rise up and call you blessed. (Proverbs 31:10-31)”

I certainly know that mothers are indeed special and should ABSOLUTELY be honored. I am forever grateful for my own mother and the daily sacrifices she made that I might have a better life. In no way am I suggesting that Mother’s Day (or Father’s day or any other holiday for that matter) be ignored for the sake of hurting others – just wanted to share with you my story and my heart and this idea for how to acknowledge the pain the day can bring, while still honoring mothers. BCC is such a special place – one of tremendous healing and hope – thank you for all that you guys do to love and minister to us.

Michele

The church did use this prayer that year – inserting it into the weekly handout – and it was well received. I hope it gave some comfort to those fighting the tears as the children sang, babies dedicated, mothers stood and roses distributed. I know, for me, the simple act of acknowledging the hurt and pain does my heart a ton of good.