Confessions of an annoyed mom

Posted September 29th, 2008 under Clara and Libby, Infertility, Life, Mothering by MicheleP.

Before kids, I had many idealistic views of parenting. I would never raise my voice, get angry, or feel annoyed with my children. And of course, those of you who are parents are probably grinning…because you know the reality of that just isn’t reality.  

I’m a member of an online community called “Parenting After Infertility” or “PAI” for short. PAI was birthed out of Hannah’s Prayer (a ministry for infertility and loss) and is a support group that addresses some of the challenges that you face once you become a parent AFTER dealing with infertility.

One discussion we have on PAI is “For this child I prayed and now I feel…” and today I finished the sentence with:

“For this child I prayed and now I feel…. Annoyed.”

I have very few outlets here – things that I get to do for “me”. Last week, I joined a ladies Bible Study on Monday mornings and it was WONDERFUL – most all of the ladies are “transplants” too and so totally get what this whole experience is like. Many of them also go to my church and I have been looking forward to just getting to know them better since you can only get so far with conversation during the 5 minute “meet & greet” on Sundays.

Libby wasn’t feeling well yesterday so I stayed home from church with the girls but I thought she should be fine today. When I got both the girls up and dressed for school, I could tell Libby wasn’t feeling great – but she came down for breakfast so I thought maybe after a little food she would perk up.

During breakfast (pancakes – a favorite) she just put her head on the table and I knew then that my day wasn’t going to be anything like I had planned.

Sigh.

I know, I know. I should be gushing with sympathy and compassion – the poor kid is SICK for crying out loud – but all I could think of was “I’m going to miss MY time today”.

I asked her if she needed to stay home and she just nodded “yes”. Clara then piped up, “I’m sick too!” but when I explained that when we stay home sick, we stay on the couch or in bed, Clara was instantly healed of her ailments.  

So – I took Clara to school and brought Libby back home. She is now resting on the couch watching some Noggin and she does seem to be feeling better. However, I think it’s just the effects of the Motrin kicking in.

Sigh.

There’s always next week.

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4 Comments

  • 1

    Can I offer a suggestion? I do not know if you have a mother,aunt, MIL or anyone near but if you do not, try to find some loving lady in your church who would be willing to help you out in a crunch like you experienced yesterday.

    One who would come stay with a sick child while you attend your well-deserved time for Bible study. Not a baby-sitter-on-call at your whim but someone who understands how important that hour at the Bible study helps EVERYONE!

    I know I would do that for you….I can’t do it for all the young women in my church on a daily basis, but on occasions such as this, YES! I remember those days, believe me!

    Blessings!

    Comment by judy — September 29, 2008 @ 2:33 pm

  • 2

    Don’t feel bad-feel normal! No matter how long or painful the journey was to become a mom, the fact is now you are one. Every one of us is disappointed when our kids are sick and we feel like all we need is one hour of adult time. It’s okay. I appreciate your honesty.

    Comment by Alicia @ Experiencing Each Moment — September 29, 2008 @ 3:32 pm

  • 3

    It’s just hard work. Day in and day out. Wonderful… but hard. All I got for ya – you’re in good company – {{hugs}}

    Comment by jennyonthespot — September 30, 2008 @ 8:21 pm

  • 4

    OH, MAN! Friend, I just hurt for you. I so desperately wish we lived closed. I would totally care for your sick babies. Furthermore, I’d come have Bible Study with you at your house!

    Love you~
    Beck

    Comment by Qtipper — October 2, 2008 @ 6:01 am

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